This page was created to give you a better sense of how I work, and help you decide if my approach feels like it might be a good fit for you as a client.
Therapy Session – an example of my work:
This is a make believe session that may give you a sense of the way I work with clients. There are many factors that go into what happens in a session or what approach I use. Although this is one of a variety of approaches, I find it useful in my work with clients.
Client summary
Helen is a single woman in her early 30s who has a quiet and sensitive demeanor. Her father had problems with drugs and alcohol. He died when she was 10. She never felt close to him or her mother, because she couldn’t depend on them. She had two younger brothers who she often had to look after. Helen was also picked on at school. She often felt like she wanted help with troubles with her brothers, or challenges at school, but her mother would then tease her as well. She learned from these experiences that she couldn’t depend on anyone but herself.
Reason for seeking therapy
Helen complains of feeling detached and lonely. In relationships, she is afraid of being abandoned. If someone acts distant towards her, she immediately becomes distant herself while obsessing about all the possible ways that she can get rejected. She likes feeling wanted, but the closer she gets to a man, the more she worries about abandonment. She complains about the people in her life being needy, but doesn’t trust asking anyone for help. She also has a hard time with talking about vulnerable thoughts and feelings. She often criticizes herself for being weak.
An Example of my work- hypothetical
Helen:
I need to stay focused and get a lot out of this. If you can help me to stay on track, that would be great. I spend a lot of time alone listening to music. Even though I keep to myself a bit, I still get asked out on dates. I am dating somebody right now, and I’m starting to feel more comfortable with him. I think this could be someone I really like. But, I still don’t really trust people. You seem trustworthy, but I haven’t known you very long. Yet I’ve told you more about myself than anybody else.
Ivan S:
You are telling me a lot already. I notice that you are speaking quickly and leaning forward in your chair.
Commentary: A person’s unconscious speaks in many ways. Two of them are gesture and posture.
Helen:
Yeah, I notice that too. There have been times when it’s taken me a while in the session to get comfortable and let my guard down. By the time I do, there are only a few minutes left and I don’t want to leave.
Commentary: As I’m listening to Helen, I’m noticing some signs that may indicate feelings of mistrust. She appears to go back and forth between a relaxed body posture and gaze, and closing her body in with more visible tracking and scanning with her eyes.
Ivan S:
So there are two parts, a part that wants to get comfortable right now and a part that needs to know that it’s safe here with me to do that. Maybe just notice how that feels right now to be caught between those two parts of you.
Helen:
I’m glad you noticed that- now I feel more like it’s something I can choose rather than react to.
Ivan S:
Yeah, go ahead and really feel what’s right for you.
Helen:
Yeah, I feel like it’s ok to relax now. I don’t have to figure all of this out on my own.
Ivan S:
How about I say that last half of the sentence back to you.
Helen:
Ok.
Ivan S:
First, take your time, go inside yourself and really feel yourself in the chair. Let yourself settle in and center your attention. If it feels right, let yourself let go of any impulse to control or worry about anything. Notice what that feels like.
Commentary: Here I am asking her to get mindful of her own experience. Mindfulness helps people become conscious of deeper levels of what is going on inside and takes therapy from conversation to something more visceral and impactful.
Helen:
I feel like I’m really here, and relaxed.
Ivan S:
Ok, great. Are you ready for me to repeat the last half of that sentence back to you?
Helen:
Yes, go ahead.
Ivan S:
Helen, you don’t have to figure out all of this on your own.
Helen:
I feel even more relaxed. (Pause) It’s weird, I was feeling more relaxed than I had in a long time, but then I started to worry about depending on you too much. I should be able to figure out this question on my own without depending on you for the answer. Right?
Ivan S:
Something inside you tells you not become too dependent. Take a moment to listen to this and tell me what it says to you.
Helen:
Well, I have this one intense thought that keeps repeating itself in my life. I think I need to be strong and independent at all times in order to be loved.
Ivan S:
If it feels right, we could try having me repeat that back to you and see what you notice.
Helen:
Yeah, Ok.
Ivan S:
Ok, again let yourself focus your attention inward… (a moment later). Are you ready?
Helen:
Yes.
Ivan S:
Notice what happens when I say, “Helen, you need to be strong and independent at all times”.
Helen:
Hearing you say that helps me get a different perspective. I feel a bit clearer. (Pause) I am wondering about whether it might be ok to depend on others. Maybe I could only do it with selective people I feel closer to. I’ve always felt frustrated by having to rely on myself for everything and thinking I couldn’t ask for help.
Commentary: Sometimes it is helpful to hear one’s inner voice from the outside. This helps clients to connect deeply to what is beneath their present thoughts, feelings and behaviors. I find it more useful to support people in their internal processes than to try to remove them directly; which often results in a client feeling misunderstood.
Ivan S:
There’s part of you that feels like it’s worth the thoughtful consideration your giving this. You’re sitting up straighter in your chair, and when you do that your spine gets straighter. So let yourself feel yourself sitting up and that sense of yourself.
Commentary: She continues to sit up and appears strong.
Ivan S:
You look stronger.
Helen:
Yeah, I feel that way. (Pause) I’ve worried about being abandoned my whole life. I don’t want to give into that fear.
Ivan S:
Go ahead and really feel your commitment to yourself and that there’s a part of you that’s worth protecting.
Helen:
I feel stronger in a way that’s really different. I can feel more flexible in the way my body’s moving and feel very relaxed.
Ivan S:
I can see your spine get a little straighter and your shoulders go back as you say that.
Helen:
As you say that, I feel a relaxed and stronger in my chest, and arms.
Ivan S:
Go ahead and let that feeling expand as much as it wants to right now.
Helen:
I’m continuing to take it in. It feels good.
Ivan S:
We’re just about at the point where we need to stop for today. Would you like to try something this week that might help you with what we worked on today?
Helen:
Sure.
Ivan S:
Ok. I encourage you to try asking somebody for something at least once during the week. If that seems like too much, notice what stops you and bring in some notes describing your what happened for the next session.
Commentary: I feel like it’s really important for clients to integrate what occurs in the session with their lives outside. So sometimes together the client and I will come up with homework to help them continue to expand on the benefits of therapy in their outside life.