In Save Time and Money in Psychotherapy: A Four Part Series, I discuss important ways you can save time and money in psychotherapy.
Resourcing a Client to Save Time and Money
Another way to save time and money in psychotherapy is to focus on what is resourcing to a client. Resources are what support a person in their sense of self regardless of what is occurring in his/her life. There are many different categories of resources: including psychological, somatic, emotional, relational, spiritual, etc. Resources can be also be internal, such as a persons intelligence, or sense of humor, or external such as having a comfortable home, and supportive friends and family.
Resources can also be adaptive, which means survival based, for example Joe developed a loud voice as a child because he learned that, in his family, he needed to yell or speak loudly in order to get what he needed. As an adult Joe learned that his voice could be a creative resource, meaning it supports him in moving towards his full potential. Joe realized he was passionate about writing songs and singing them for his friends. He felt that expressing himself this way became an outlet for his feelings, supported deeper opportunities for connection with his friends. This resource also made it easier for him to ask for what he needed in his relationship with his wife, and from his colleagues at work.
The Importance of Feeling Connected
Another of my clients, Laura, remembered as a young child that her mother would personalize things Laura did and then become distant from her. As an adult, Laura often felt worried about rejection and would trying to figure out ways to please others to protect her from her fear of abandonment. In sessions, she would enjoy eye contact and long for it but also feel overwhelmed by it. Because of the internal pressure to always be present in relationship, she felt confused, second-guessed herself, and lowered her head and neck towards her lap in a state of overwhelm. She kept herself so focused on being prepared for what others might need from her that she would lose connection with herself. When she realized this was happening, she would tilt her head in a cute way to try and maintain the connection. She felt embarrassment and shame about these ways of coping. I welcomed her to just hang out with this way of lowering and tilting her head. After sitting with her experience, I also introduced Laura to an additional somatic resource of noticing what it felt like to straighten her spine and sit up taller. This made her look and feel more confident. It was difficult for her to accept the thoughts and feelings that accompanied by the lowering of her head, but by entering this experience in mindfulness, and comparing it to the experience of sitting up straight, she was able to feel more connected and compassionate towards this part of herself.
Laura loved the feeling of connection but wanted to do it in ways that were less pressured. I felt Laura’s gaze as if her eyes were trying to reach out and towards me and match my gaze. She felt my steady gaze and sensed a pressure in herself to match it. I encouraged her imagine roots going from the bottom of her feet deep down into the earth. She then talked about feeling more compassion for herself and felt which she felt in her heart. I then encouraged her to sit back in her seat and effortlessly allow that positive connection with herself radiate out into the room. Using these resources together helped her let go of feeling responsible for what happens in relationship, and provided an opportunity to take in and savor the feeling of nurturance within the connection. I believe this kind of resourcing and connection can help many clients.
Read part one: Save Time and Money in Psychotherapy: How to Be a Client
Read part two: Save Time and Money in Psychotherapy: Mindfulness
Read part three: Save Time and Money in Psychotherapy: Talking About the Therapy Process
