This poem is adapted from Rumi’s poem “The Guest House.” The lines in italics come directly from Rumi. Can you meet them at the doorway of human curiosity and the present moment?
This being human is a guest house.
Every morning a new arrival.
A joy, a depression, a meanness,
some momentary awareness comes
as an unexpected visitor.
Notice what it’s like to be with them all.
Even if they are a crowd of sorrows,
who violently sweep your house
empty of its furniture…
As you breathe, take a moment to notice if there is enough space within you to be present with your adult self as you are having this experience.
The dark thought, the shame, the malice…
Curiosity and the Present Moment
From the adult self, present-moment place, you might recognize that some of the dark thoughts and shame are old memories from experiences that are no longer happening to you now, but being created by you as the remnants of strategies you once needed for your survival.
Are you aware that you are dancing between connection and disconnection, expansion and contraction? Can you be present with your adult self and your child consciousness, while being curious about what’s being called forth from deep within you (thoughts, feelings, body sensations, impulses, memories)? Maybe you are able to navigate these waters and find a sense of flow with yourself. Or maybe it feels like too much, just not possible to navigate at this time. Anything along this range of experience is a normal part of being human. You will have many chances and opportunities to practice navigating these life challenges, which will continue to repeat themselves. There is much more to this human journey than can be described here, and each journey is as different as we are different as individuals.
Though not always easy, this road eventually leads to resilience, aliveness, and your true self. We don’t have to walk the path alone. Even though it may be hard to reach out, the journey to meet ourselves can feel lighter when we discover other trustworthy people who already have experience on this path.
“Curiosity can be the antidote to shame and turning against ourselves in self-hatred.”
—Laurence Heller, Founder the Neuro-Affective Relational Model
Curiosity As Your Guide
Curiosity can be a guide to support us in deepening into our internal experience, which can lead to greater openness, presence, and connection. By being able to be with ourselves in a more curious and present way, we can better track the process of how we connect with ourselves as well as abandon ourselves (through our bodies, emotions, thoughts, and relationally). This curiosity can also support us in differentiating between the past and present, which may allow us to consciously move away from outdated psychobiological patterns.
These patterns are the leftover residue of early trauma. At one point these patterns may have helped us to adapt and survive early developmental trauma. By bringing human curiosity to what’s happening in the present moment, there is the possibility of being able to notice that these survival styles are from the past so that we don’t have to live our lives in the same way now.
The more curious we become, the more our internal world can quieten and become more expansive. We don’t need to distract ourselves from ourselves. Curiosity also guides us into a more internally organized sense of ourselves and who we are in the world. Curiosity about our present-moment experience supports reconnecting with ourselves. Expanding our capacity to be more present within ourselves can also support the possibility of greater presence with others.
Read Part VI to learn more about survival strategies.
