Looking for a survival strategy example? Here’s one. I remember as a child and teenager that I had a hard time being still. I had memories of family trips when we would go to beautiful places. My mom and brother wanted to stop along the way. I remember feeling impatient. I wanted to know when we were going to get to our destination or to the next restaurant along the way. There were so many beautiful sights that I never took the time to fully experience.
I told myself it was silly and now it was going to take longer to get to our destination, where I could finally relax and enjoy myself. But once we got to our destination I continued to look forward to the next thing that was going to happen, and again missed an opportunity to take in the experience of the new environment we were entering.
Later, as a young adult, I would criticize myself because I couldn’t take in certain scenes. But I came to see that it was because when I was a child I was checking out, that this was a learned survival strategy.
Meeting Ourselves
As I grew up and developed the ability to be present, I realize that not every place I visit will affect me in the same way. I noticed that I would feel especially excited when going to beach or mountainous areas.
Something else I discovered I enjoyed was connecting with animals. There are wild turkeys and rabbits in one of the places I go hiking, and I just like being near them. I like to see how close I can get to them without disturbing them, and then just hanging out near them. The first time I did this, I sensed I was at a distance of between 18 and 20 feet. I had the sense that this was as close as I could get without them running away.
Next, I wanted to blend into the environment. I made myself very still and quiet as if I was a tree. I let my body fully relax. I would occasionally glance over at them, but then look away at the stream nearby. I wanted them to be able to act naturally as if I wasn’t there or be minimally aware of my presence. I pretended I was invisible.
It was interesting to notice they were not affected by me. I did actually notice them moving in relation to other animal noises as they were orienting to what was going on around them. Then I noticed some of them coming closer behind me, which seemed to happen when I wasn’t looking at them. When I finally left I did so slowly in a way that didn’t alter the shape of their group.
Key Takeaways
With this experience, I captured a feeling of aliveness that I hadn’t felt in my childhood. The feeling was a quiet peacefulness mixed with youthful exuberance. This is just one of many moments that were made possible through curiosity, through facing the barriers to being with myself more fully.
As a child I didn’t want to be with the feelings that came up when I was waiting for my mom and brother. That is why as an adult I didn’t like the feelings that would come up when I was looking at beautiful scenes. They reminded me of feeling lonely and disconnected as a child. But when I was avoiding this because I didn’t like this old feeling, I was denying a part of myself.
As children, we developed different strategies when we didn’t always know whether we were going to be loved or cared for. What we are aware of as young children is that we need our parents for our survival. When we have needs that aren’t being met, we try to get our parents’ attention to the best of our capacity. If our parents aren’t aware or don’t pick up on our needs, we start to feel more desperate.
For a child, being loved and cared for is almost as important as food and water. Eventually this can lead to shutting down our own needs and developing strategies that are more likely to get our parents’ attention. In the next blog I will talk about survival strategy relating to 5 developmental stages and dis-identifying from them.
